strength.

Yesterday was my first day of work. I decided to sleep on it to take in everything and let myself understand how I was feeling. For those of you who know me really, well, you know that this was very hard for me because I usually like to talk things out immediately. Haha I’m actually glad that I did take some time to process it, and hey, maybe I’ll use this method for other things in my life... maybe. ;)

It started off in the good old fashioned, Samii way... I got lost. It was the first time I drove to Urban Min by myself and I missed the street and it took me like 25 mins when it should have taken me like 7 haha. Thankfully I gave myself plenty of time though so I was not late. Phew! Plus, I was driving the company van (BUS practically). It seats like 15 people or more and the right mirror is pretty much gone. Haha yes, my cursing was at a high point.

The first half I was at the crisis center and watched one of the regular volunteers do the interviews. By the second one I was ready to do it on my own. Everyone that comes in is looking for help with food for the week or help with a prescription. Each person or family is only allowed to receive food once every 90 days (hence crisis center) and prescriptions are the same. We can refer people every month to a different organization for food though and they will receive it there. We ask questions like what their income and expenses are, but at the crisis center there is not much actual case management (as far as I can tell). Yesterday we gave 50 families meals for the week which is the max amount we are allowed per day. As for prescriptions, it can be a bit trickier. We are not allowed to help with medicines that can be addictive or have high street value (for obvious reasons). A few people came in asking for some of these and it was hard for me to turn them away, especially when one of the younger children clearly needed his adderal.

I saw so many faces yesterday at the crisis center and felt really great that I was able to help all of them. Except the spanish speaking one- I had to get someone else for that man. Oops! Mr. Sam, my boss, was really happy and sent me this great email saying how wonderful I did and that he’s not worried for me at all this year because of how quickly I was able to learn today.

... And then I went to the shelter (HW).

It is non-stop hustle and go, questions, answers, copying, more questions and answers, yells, smells, smiles, hugs, you name it. It is fantastic. The pace is exactly what I love. I followed my boss (Miss Brenda) around and watched her try and fill some empty beds we had. There are 36 total and the women are allowed to stay up to 2 months. It’s really awesome.

So many calls went out to the women who had called to try and get on the wait list. It’s very ironic because we would call the women back and let them know that there is an empty bed and that they could enter the program, but then they would say that they weren’t able to come today, or that they have already paid for their hotel, yada yada. Doesn’t quite make sense, since they could stay with us for up to 2 months for free, but that’s how life works I suppose.

Miss Dawn and Miss Brenda were able to fill 2 of the 4 empty beds. When the women came in, we did this intake (interview) and got to learn why the women were homeless etc. This is what was very emotional for me.

The first woman was brought in by someone from a church and she was definitely either on something or severely mentally ill. The person from the church kept thanking us, and when she left, we interviewed our client. [I’m trying to figure out what I can and cannot say, so if there are holes, then it’s because of confidential reasons obviously.] Each woman at HW has to fill out a page on why they think they are homeless/why they are at our organization. This particular woman’s was interesting to me because though she is almost chronically homeless, she explained herself in a way as if she just couldn’t find the means for the day. Since this was my first client, I was a little taken back. She doesn’t realize that she is ill, but I am so grateful that she had the courage to come to us. It’s a weird mix of emotions.

Remember how I said there were different smells? Well, if you’re staying at HW then we encourage you to shower daily and we even give you the hygiene products to do so. Since this woman came from the streets, you can imagine the smells. I kept my feelings to myself because Miss Brenda didn’t even wince, and after about 2 minutes I actually got used to it. Once we showed her to her bed and went back to our office, Miss Dawn and Miss Brenda let out huge breaths and shared some words then Lysol’d everything. It was fantastic. I hadn’t laughed that hard in a while!

We finished up our eval, put it in a computer system (dude if LA doesn’t have this yet then I’m bringing it haha) and then made up case notes. It was awesome, yet just after 1 person I was drained- and it was already 6:30pm and I had gotten there at 9am so they let me go home to my roommates for dinner before the house meeting.

Thank goodness I took that break. My roommates are awesome and made a delicious dinner and even had homemade bread! Like, what!? haha then it was back to the grind.

House meetings are hysterical and completely affecting at the same time. I’m telling you, mixed emotions everywhere. All the women get together and we go over the rules again or anything that has come up in the past week/day (like concerns or whatever). They all welcomed me and I felt so humbled to be there with them. At the end, they do an activity; today was to go around the room and say “what you like about yourself.” Now, I was super excited slash nervous for what some of the women were going to say, I mean many have self esteem issues and stuff you know... but boy I was floored and wanted to cry in the middle of the meeting. On the first day.

The women love... that even though they look shy, they love to talk. Their personality. Their smile. Their warm hearts. That they are a good mother. That they put others before themselves. That they love themselves so that they can love others better. That today was the start of a new life. That they are single. That they are respectful. That they can learn from their consequences. That they can give constructive criticism. That she is stronger today than she was yesterday.

I was in awe. I had more respect for these women than I think I have had for probably anyone. They are a family here, and they are letting me in. I was not expecting this or some of their responses at all, and thankfully I held my composure better than I ever have. When I wanted to cry a waterfall, I smiled brightly instead. I can’t even fathom how much I am going to learn from these women- especially since I’ve learned so much in the first 12 hours with them.

After the meeting we had one more woman to interview since time got the best of us. She was younger than me, a mother, and starting high school on Wednesday. Her eyes were unbelievable. So big and brown and though sad, had glimpses of hope. The reasons for her situation were more than I would ever wish on anyone, let alone someone so young. I told myself over and over not to cry, not to even show sadness, and I hope that my own eyes concealed my pain for her. No one wants to be felt sorry for. We are here to help her.

When I got home last night around 10:30pm I had more going through my head than I have ever had with any type of service or alternative break. This was day one? As I replayed the entire day in my head, I remembered what one of the women said, “I am stronger today than I was yesterday.” She took the words right out of my mouth.